Quirks

This post is also known as the “25 things about me” internet meme. I refuse to tag anyone. Enjoy.

  1. I wish I knew the definition of every word written in Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. And upon my next reading, hope to write everyone of them down in an effort to learn and understand them.
  2. I wrote a novel once after reading Henry Miller’s Tropic of Cancer and Chuck Palahniuk’s Choke. Stylistically, it’s a rip off. But writing it saved my life. I’ve also written a poetry chapbook.
  3. I’m currently studying Kenpo. I studied it 9 years ago in Springfield, Missouri. My wife got me back into it as a 30th birthday present.
  4. I’m notorious for finishing a thought in my mind before I have typed it out. I’m always adding back in missing prepositions and two-letter words.
  5. I believe that the story of Adam and Eve is all our human minds are capable of understanding about what really happened. A parable, yes, but still universal truth.
  6. My wife and I took each other’s last names when we married. She was Hirschy y Salazar and I was Forrest. With our powers combined, it’s Forrest y Salazar. The “y” just means “and.”
  7. I’m extremely cognizant of how much I want to be loved and I do everything within my power to make it appear otherwise. Truth is, I’d probably take a bullet for just about anyone.
  8. I wanted to be so much more than I am by the time I turned 30.
  9. I get angry about the weirdest things. For example, I hate it when my wife asks me to get her something to drink when she has two perfectly good legs to walk to the kitchen and get her own drink. I’m also extremely cognizant of how stupid this behavior is and only recently aware of where it came from.
  10. I hate water with every coke-riddled drop of blood in my heart.
  11. I think too much for my own good. Which leads me to start conversational fights because I’ve probably thought the subject through and you haven’t. Fair warning.
  12. I believe in Christian faith. I also believe in the Democratic Party. Now that I mention it, I like some Republicans too. What I don’t like is equating a Republican vote with a Christan worldview. It’s just not true.
  13. I feel that swear words are more essential than they are.
  14. I’m a huge film and music Nazi. In fact, I’ll probably alienate you over it at some point. Just ask my wife and her obsession with Hillsong. Christian music literally makes me grate my teeth. Interestingly enough, the reason why I hate Christian music so much is the same reason for #9.
  15. I hate the fact that I have to live my life apart from the people I care about. If I could, I’d move them all to Santa Barbara.
  16. I love my wife more than I let on. Which is why there is a Christmas card of me in a Santa hat on the beach in fucking November. Bonus: I hate the Pacific ocean because it’s always freezing.
  17. I love beer. I love everything about it. I hate drinking it alone. I’ve discovered I’ll only drink it with friends.
  18. I want to see a burning bush. In the Biblical sense.
  19. I can’t stand crowds. They’ve been known to give me anxiety attacks.
  20. I’m secretly waiting for the Apocalypse.
  21. I wrote and recorded a song once, and I still have it. But it was horrible and I swear by the Lord Jesus Christ that it’ll never see the light of day.
  22. Despite having the most loving and attentive of wives, I still feel horribly alone way too often. I’m confident that this won’t change until #18 happens.
  23. The wife and I are huge Dave Ramsey fans. Probably because his stuff has helped us pay $35K off in debt in the last 2.5 years.
  24. Having children has never been my idea of happiness. Drinking coffee in Prague is.
  25. I wrote this list with HTML, because I’m a huge dork.

Posted in Life. Tagged with , , .

By Zachary
January 28, 2009

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And My Mind Goes Blank

I stare at the computer screen as if to believe words will magically appear in my mind. I know it’s not going to happen. It never does. It’s just one of those things. But if I sit there long enough, something invariably does happen. Sometimes, it’s better than I could have hoped for. Most of the time it isn’t.

I’ve always wished to be a mad crazy genius. To answer the old adage, “Is it better to burn out than to fade away” with an X firmly in the first box. To burn blindingly hot for long enough to sear the world a bit rather than keep the world warm for a couple of weeks and then, not at all. People remember warmth for only the second that warmth is sustained. The fire goes out and is forgotten. They want another fire. But a scar from a burn is remembered forever. There are three scars on my right-hand fingers from an afternoon when I made Chex Mix. It was like it happened yesterday.

Burning out isn’t most of us, is it? Time goes by and we grow up, become less idealistic. Food and water and decent clothing become more important. The happiness of others becomes more valued than our own. And so, sacrifices are made. To God, to our fellow man, to our families. And it’s not our fault. We just wanted to be loved. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.

In my quest to be a “mad crazy genius,” I deliberately made decisions that I thought mad crazy geniuses made. In college, I was quite frankly, unlovable. My girlfriend at the time must have been insane to deal with me. I remember thinking that if I stayed with her, for some reason, I was going to regret my life. So I broke it off. And now that I have 75% of the life I always wanted, I still regret some of the decisions I made. Which leads me to think that I was on a fool’s errand. I probably was. No matter how good my life is, it never seems enough.

Which is the crux of human nature, is it not? It’s this crux that I find so disturbing, frustrating, ridiculous about the human existence. Coincidentally, it’s also why I believe in Christian faith. Our lives will always be shadows of something better and there is nothing we can do about it. Fuck. I wish I could be Atheistic. But for me, the belief that there is no god is also an admission that I’m complete within myself.

I am not. It’s a vicious circle.

We blame God for our inadequacies. We point the finger and say, “This is your fault.” But we took the apple, to hear the story tell it. And though it may only be a story and not literal fact, it was Jesus himself that preached with parables. Maybe just a story, but still universal truth. On par with mustard seeds, men with talents and the house built on sand.

If I sit there long enough, something invariably does happen. Sometimes, it’s better than I could have hoped for. Most of the time it isn’t.

Posted in Life.

By Zachary
January 26, 2009

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Kenpo Night Three: Mindflow

I arrive to the studio, and walk through the front door. The new guy, Nick I believe, is wondering if he can go in. People are working out. He’s confused. He’s also 35 and apparently, the father of three daughters. How do I know this? Because he was spilling his guts out before I had the left ear bud out of my head. Can he go in? How long have I been coming? He has three daughters. I decide to take the leap for him. I bow and walk into the studio.

There’s a third-degree blackbelt I haven’t seen before. And apparently, he’s teaching five kids. All of them his. How do I know this? Because one can tell a father when he’s with his children. Three of them are too young to be interested in martial arts and more interested in staring at me. I just want to change and get ready to work out. Stop staring at me Donnie. Seriously. Stop. I know your daddy can kick my ass…but still. You’re creeping me out.

I change, warm up with a Kata and stretch a little more. Man, I’m ready. Day three of a good workout regimen. Let’s get to it. Sifu finishes up his private lesson and the family troop finally wrap it up. Sifu waves us up. In another words, form a damn line.

Continued…

Posted in Life. Tagged with .

By Zachary
January 23, 2009

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Behold The Night

I’d like to begin, if I may, with a poem. I’m not expecting you to dig for the deeper meaning, or read into it some mystical revelation, I rather feel that the poem speaks for itself. So much so that I bought the entire book based on this one poem. It was the first one in the book, the lead-hitter, and I felt that if the first poem was so great out of the gate, then I should purchase Mr. Stephen Dunn’s Different Hours. You may call it an act of faith. I call it the big reflective “Winner of the Pulitzer Prize” sticker that smiled at me like Willie Wonka’s Golden Ticket. “And so it goes…,” to hear Kurt Vonnegut say it.

Continued…

Posted in Life, Poetry, Weird.

By Zachary
January 20, 2009

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Embedding Flash (No Javascript)

99% of the time, I’ll embed flash (or any other type of media) with javascript. SWFObject is one of the most efficient cross-browser means of embedding flash that I’ve ever come across. But every once in awhile you’re forced, for some reason or another, to embed flash without the aid of javascript. And recently, this predicament came upon me while at work.

The following is a code sample of how to embed media (flash specifically) into a web page without the help of swfobject or some other alternative. It’s compliant with web standards and has been tested in IE6, IE7, IE8 Beta 2, and Firefox 3. I’m assuming it works in Opera and Safari 3. Someone correct me if they discover otherwise.
Continued…

Posted in Code. Tagged with , .

By Zachary
December 12, 2008

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Kryptonite

I feel that sometimes, this whole “Christianity” thing is getting in the way of me kicking people in the balls. I mean seriously, sometimes, we just wake up in a particularly foul mood. And you think I’m implying the whole “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed” thing, but I’m not. I’m talking about that morning when you wake up, take a shower, brush your teeth, put on your clothes and drive to work, just like any other normal day. But on this particular day, you decide to stop into McDonalds for an American junk food breakfast like only McDonalds can deliver. And while standing in line for your 89 cent coffee and Sausage Egg McGriddle, Mr. Jackass and his construction worker friends decide that they “didn’t see you” and all of the sudden, you’re a little further back in the line than previously believed.

Continued…

Posted in Life. Tagged with , .

By Zachary
November 8, 2008

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Similes For Something This Painful

I found you love, in the early dawn morning
after you rocked your body like a chair
against the hard wood floor of another man’s crotch.
I found you sleeping next to me. I found you snoring
ever so gently in the nook of my arm and chest.
I smelled your sweat and it was like mourning.
Like decomposed leaves we piled up through winter.

Continued…

Posted in Poetry. Tagged with .

By Zachary
November 5, 2008

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Parables

I dream about dying. How the phone calls
would be played out. Who would cry and who would laugh
at such a thought, and who would breathe a sigh of relief.
I wonder how it would be to not worry for my life.
To skip work because I simply knew it to be meaningless;
to wake up into a world without Visa, or AT&T,
to live and not fear for my wife while some spirit says,
“All your expenses are paid sir, welcome to the Death Express.
Let me punch your ticket.” Ahh…my afterlife. What a welcome
vacation it would be.

I could remember then, how dreadful
humanity really was. I could remember and obtain forgetfulness
about the world in which I currently live. I could put
away the pain of a beating heart. I could nap for centuries
and wake up only to see God ordering tea across from me,
smiling like life wasn’t that bad. Me smiling because
I’m glad it’s all over. Do you ever think like this?
Or are these the thoughts of someone ridiculous
with desire? Am I a man with talents? Am I a fig tree?

Dear Jesus, have mercy. Am I a sleeping virgin? Am I
the chaff? Lord God, forgive. Me. All of us. This isn’t
the way I had hoped to live. I dream about dying.

Posted in Poetry. Tagged with , , .

By Zachary
October 25, 2008

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Hope

Hope

I tell myself, Someday I will be someone
as I drive past the bread baker on South First
who smiles like his life
turned out better than expected.

Posted in Poetry. Tagged with , .

By Zachary
October 23, 2008

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I Vote Obama.

This past year, you and I have been bombarded with political rhetoric. And I’ll admit, for awhile it was absolutely emollient. All of us, Republican, Democrat, Liberal, Conservative…we were all united with one goal in mind: Get Bush out of the White House. It was simple. It was possible. In fact, it was guaranteed to happen according to U.S. law. We merely had to breathe and take it one day at a time and one morning, not too far from now, our dreams would come true. George W. Bush would be exiting the White House. Halle-freaking-lujah. And that was how this political dream started, though such optimistic unity was bound to fail.

Maybe in my heart of hearts, I prayed for Bush’s exit with twice the fervor. It would be hypocritical for me to write about this topic without admitting my own sins. And we all need to know how we got here. A man who was born and raised in the buckle of the Bible Belt isn’t birthed as a Democrat. It just doesn’t happen.

This is the story of The Republican Who Couldn’t Take It Anymore.

Continued…

Posted in Politics. Tagged with , , , , .

By Zachary
October 20, 2008

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